i've been holding back whether to post this entry or not.
yes, i always use blogger to vent out my unhappiness and frustration so that the parties involved know what i'm thinking. and maybe in one way or another, solve the problem amicably. but this time, i'm not venting out my anger but rather tell our clique what i've been thinking.

you ask me, "WHY U ALWAYS WANT TO CRITICISE XIAOBAI? WHY HATE HIM?"

i always keep slient, or patronize you with senseless answer. now, i'm going to tell you why.
ever since you met this person, your character has been changing gradually.
i'm in fact, so happy that you met someone that treats u like a queen.
and i always ask you to be with him if he happenes to pop the question to you. but somehow, you are so pampered and so spolit by him that u carry your kind of temper with us. last evening, i was shocked by your behaviour. when both lays and i were already carrying our own bag, you insisted on either of us to help you carry your own bag. and of course we refuse cos it would be weird if anyone would be carrying 2 bags. so instead, we offered to help u carry your laptop. i swear u gave me that fuck-face and threaten to go home. lays gave in and i was so bloody pissed. b'cos u are FUCKING SPOLIT! and we already said the choice of place was a mis-communication. but you just refuses to let go, you insist on throwing a tantrum. ask youself, was you this kind of person when we first met you?

another issue, let me point out how u compare xiaobai with me.
on the bus, "even xiaobai also know how to let me sit inside, you better come out hor!" and even threatened to sit infront instead of sitting beside me.

when we are out, " aiya, blah blah blah, i would have go out with xiaobai instead."

purchases, " hah, ask u help me buy contact lens also don want! nevermind lor, xiaobai buy for me le".

and so on and so forth.
i never once compare with u van or lovell. b'cos i think that you guys holds a special place that no one can be comparable. yes, i once thought of leaving you and join the rest. but i didn. just b'cos we both know how bad it is to be ostracise. the clique is form under the work of others' art of boycott. that's why i never compare, and fyi, do you know that van and lovell never command me to do anything before, they would FORCE me to do anything that i don want to. but think about it. do a serious reflection.

i've been thinking and thinking. partly it's also my fault for telling you something i shouldn have told you. and i regret it.
and since the start of our friendship, all of us from the clique know what a person you are. but we never once reprimand you. b'cos u are unreasonable in an adorable way, a way which is still acceptable. but now, i'm the first to voice this out, and maybe i'm being over-sensitive.
and i realised, it seems to be quite some time since we(4) last went out together. and to be honest, i told myself, it's because val got nanny already lor! see, her blog with her poly friends also very close. but come to think of it, as a friend, she might be keeping things to herself even if she is having a tiff with nanny but keep it from us b'cos she knows that we don like to hear about nanny. it takes 2 hands to clap.
so i bear the fault of the crack in my friendship with YOU. you can be as wilful as you are now. i seriously wouldn care. what you wna do, you do. because you choose to be queen, not a friend.
a friend don mind sitting outside, the friend would ask if she really wants to sit inside. a friend would call and ask how are you when your blog wrote something emo-ish, a friend would not compare you with others when she obviously knows you hate comparison. a friend shares the same status as you who will know see herself as a queen.

and i'm sorry to say, i'm not honoured enough to be one of your slaves or genie(grant you alot of wishes).

lastly, 4 musketeers no more.



i hope this aint true. but......): going to.